10 Signs (8 of them Awful) That Your Husband is Having a Midlife Crisis

Perhaps your husband’s behavior has been changing – for the worse – slowly. Or perhaps it has changed so suddenly, so dramatically, that you’re wondering whether there’s an impostor living in his body. Regardless, here’s a quick checklist for you – 10 signs that your husband may having a so-called midlife crisis.

The first two signs aren’t troubling per se. We all get older and we all try to change for the better. But the remaining eight? They can be pretty awful. But don’t panic. Every problem, including this one, has a solution.

Let’s consult the 10 Signs of a Husband’s Midlife Crisis checklist:

1. He’s between 35 and 65 years of age.

2. He has adopted dramatically different lifestyle habits or interests.  This is often, but not always, a new health and fitness regime.  He becomes more interested in his appearance and recapturing the look and vitality of youth.

3. He is re-writing your history. No matter how many times you try to remind him of the good times or make him appreciate all the good things you have – your home, your children, your memories – he doesn’t listen. He says things like, “I don’t know if I’ve ever been happy…maybe we got married for the wrong reasons,” or something along those lines.

4. He blames you for his unhappiness and for any problems in the marriage.  He might say that you were “never there for him” or that you “weren’t sexual enough.”  Whatever his complaint, it’s your fault, not his.

5. He sends mixed messages.  One day he doesn’t want to be around you.  The next day, he’s bringing you flowers.  He may say things like, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you.”  One day he wants to move out of the house and get his own place, the next he’s not sure.  He may say, “I know you’re a wonderful wife, I know I should treat you better.”  And then he treats you even worse.

6. He has a mean streak.  He is starting to say some really mean-spirited things to you, even going so far as to criticize your intelligence or appearance.  He is more critical and short-tempered with you.

7. He is self-indulgent and self-focused.  More and more, he is thinking only of himself.  He wants his freedom, his independence, and he doesn’t seem to care that his behavior is putting a strain on his relationships with other people, including you and even his own children.

8. He is increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.  He acts like he is the world’s most desirable man.

9. He has struck up a very close “friendship” with another woman, quite likely a younger woman.  At the same time, he is becoming more secretive, particularly with his phone.  He has changed his passwords and deletes his text history.  If you ask him about this, he says that you are “paranoid” or “jealous” or “controlling.”

10. He is acting confused about his feelings for you and uncertain about his commitment level to the marriage.  He may say things like, “I don’t know how I feel” or “You need to give me space to figure things out.”  This behavior often accompanies an increasingly intimate friendship with another woman, or an outright emotional or physical affair.

If numbers two through ten have you nodding your head, my strong advice is that you do not just passively wait out this crisis or offer unconditional “wifely support” as your husband puts you, and your marriage, through turmoil or even betrayal. Get the help you need to get ahead of this – and fast – whether it’s on this site or somewhere else. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself.

Depending on your circumstances, you may wish to consider my book The Shut-Out Wife: Breaking Through Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis  for more assertive guidance.